look for the helpers

Quiet...

I just started reading the book, "Quiet", by Susan Cain.  It's wonderful.

Ben read it about a year ago after I stumbled across a 'pinned' quote by Susan Cain.  After some googling, we ended up watching a TED talk on introverts, presented by Cain.  Everyone should watch it!  We were hooked and amazed by her insight and really life-changing ideas about introverts.

I am dying to write more of my thoughts (and I have a ton of them!) but I'm going to share my absolute favorite part so far --  "The Myth of Charismatic Leadership". . .

"Indeed, according to a famous study by the influential management theorist Jim Collins, many of the best-performing companies of the late twentieth century were run by what he calls "Level 5 Leaders."  These  exceptional CEOs were known not for their flash or charisma but for extreme humility coupled with intense professional will. . . "

. . .   extreme humility
. . . intense professional will

introverts

Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.

Susan Cain

(via yourmindisaminefield)

Introverts paradoxically pull away from culture and create culture.

Laurie Helgoe

Bill Gates: My 13 favorite talks

"When Bill Gates was asked to curate a list of his favorite talks (TED), his first response was, “There are too many to pick, really.” He whittled it down to 13 essentials."   #12 was Susan Cain's presentation:

Susan Cain: The power of introverts

"In a culture where being social and outgoing are prized above all else, it can be difficult, even shameful, to be an introvert. But, as Susan Cain argues in this passionate talk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world, and should be encouraged and celebrated."

 

. . . I just realized that the quote at the top of this post is from Susan Cain.  I didn't notice that as I was creating this post until just now!  Funny.  It is also interesting to note that I am totally alone in my home this morning and I have been thinking (and watching "Pioneer Woman" on Food Network).  I think a lot when I'm alone and come up with some great ideas.  I've been mostly thinking about work and why this year has been especially difficult.  Stressful... distressing... frustrating.  And I think I have identified something.  

Because of varying circumstances, my ability to be creative, press on confidently,  and engage in meaningful interactions at work has decreased this year.  As a result, trust and satisfaction have deteriorated.  I'm not sure how my thoughts surrounding introverts and my own personality helped me come to this conclusion, but it did.  I think a renewed understanding of my nature and temperament provided insight into my situation and challenges at work.  I need to make a change.  I think I can do that now that I know what may be at the root of my discouragement.  

"consume what touches us..."

inspiring post by Danielle LaPorte...

Calling All Inspiration Hunters.

You have to WANT to be inspired to be…inspired. The desire to be inspired is a special kind of craving that’s part of being self-aware.

So many of us wait for it to light upon the crest of our minds like the blue bird of happiness, when really, we need to hunt inspiration down like empty bellied stealth birds of prey.

When you consciously look for inspiration your senses will lean forward to do the work for you. And by “consciously look for,” I mean that we approach being alive as a creative opportunity. We will connect with the pride of rusty things, the depth of purple black eggplants, the tenderness of Degas, the fierce effortlessness of Bruce Lee, the full throttled modesty of Adele.

And by “being inspired,” I mean that we consume what touches us. We drink in the beauty, the thrill, the intelligence, and we let it plump up the cells of our heart and thoughts. We are changed.
Stones into fabric. Wheels into songs. Ballgowns into prose.


If you’re really open, you’ll be inspired by things outside of your discipline and expertise — you make connections in the expanse. I watched an interview with Donna Karan walking down the beach. She picked up a striped stone and said, “This pattern will probably show up in my next collection.” The Bee Gees were riding over an old bridge in their tour bus and the rhythm of the wheels on the slats turned into the beat for Jive Talkin’. I saw Alexander McQueen‘s collection at The Met and was struck by how he combined the macabre and the gossamer, and I decided I wanted to write more like McQueen designed clothes: deep-light-deep-light.

Seeking is close, but not close enough.
Hunt it.
Inexhaustible wings,
razor-eyed,
scanning the horizon.
Crave it.
There is no excuse for going hungry.
We are here to feast.

truthbombs

Daily Truthbombs from Danielle LaPorte... some of my favorites...

Truthbomb #61

Sometimes, when we think we need to "surrender" to something, it sets us up to be in opposition. Walk away from the concept of surrender vs. fighting or holding firm. Just be with it.

Truthbomb #62

Tolerance is overrated.

Truthbomb #63

Curiosity will save your soul.

Truthbomb #64

Resentment is a very big, frantically flapping warning flag, with accompanying blaring sirens saying: STOP!

Truthbomb #68

You can be deeply certain, and slightly doubtful. You can be scared, and really, really ready.

Truthbomb #69

Meditate before you activate.

proceed anyway

recent post from Danielle's LaPorte's blog ...

This is Your Guarantee of Failure. Proceed anyway.

GUARANTEED, FOR SURE, NO WAY OUT, GONNA HAPPEN, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY CERTAIN:
You will fail. At some point. More than once.

You will get hurt.
You’re going to get dumped, broken up with. Betrayed, even.
Heart broken. Heart. BROKEN.
You might get kicked out, rejected, canned. Denied entry.
Not invited.

You will be criticized.
You will be denied.
You’ll be too late.
You’ll give up too soon.

You’ll misread the fine print, sign a bad deal, and it’ll cost ya — dearly. You will miss opportunities, miss the mark, let some precious part of life pass you by. You won’t win. You will lose.
You will be wounded and you’ll have scars — that show.

You’ll have regrets.
And things you wish you could do over.
You’ll say things you wished you had never said.
There will be many, many things that you’ll wish you had said — fiercely loving and bravely tender things, righteously justice-rendering things that could change everything — but instead, you’ll fail to rise in the way you wanted to.

There’s no mystery, there’s no avoiding it, and no one born has ever, or will ever, be immune. Failing is as certain as sunsets and detours. So why exert energy avoiding the unavoidable? Shift your energy from protecting yourself from failure to squeezing the life out of life.

Let your guard down, take the brakes off, and tear up that insurance policy – it was a rip off anyway. The status quo has been feeding you factory-grade illusions. Sign up, speak up, get out, and get it on. You will fail. At some point. More than once. Guaranteed. Proceed anyway.

happiness

Interview with Danielle LaPorte on 'happiness'.  I highlighted my favorite parts, words, and thoughts.

This interview was found on the happiness project.

“I Used to Think That Cheery, Regularly Happy People Were Too ‘Lite’…”

I heard about Danielle LaPorte several years ago, when I read a Domino magazine article about her work. I found her ideas so interesting that I got in touch with her, and over the years, I’ve gotten to know her better and better.

There’s tremendous buzz around her latest book, which hits the shelves next week. The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms is a terrific resource for anyone who wants to get clarity on what they want and how to get there. Passion and purpose! And making ideas real. These are Danielle’s big themes.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?

Danielle: Impromptu kitchen disco. (Note: cooking is not required, especially at my house. Just clear the floor, crank the tunes and get down ON it.)

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

Happiness is a choice. Often, some “rising above it” is required, or some rigorous re-framing of a perspective. But you can intentionally shift your psycho-spiritual gears into a genuine state of happiness.

The most profound thing I’ve figured out about happiness, is that it’s the clearest indicator of deep wellness. I’m much less broody and moody than I was when I was in my twenties (one would hope so, right?) So happiness is, like, hipper to me than now than it used to be. I used to think that cheery, regularly happy people were too “lite,” too…in denial of something. But I get now that happiness is the result of our core vitality and resilience. Peace is my new cool.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?

Other than staying up too late? Which I do. All the time.

Well, I’m pretty righteous when it comes to customer service—the cell phone rep, the waiter, the gum-poppin’ cashier…I get inordinately peeved with lame service and get myself into a tizzy about how half the world needs to pull up their socks and be more polite. I could definitely lighten up and send some loving kindness instead of prickly posturing.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Be Gretchen.”) Or a happiness quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful? Or a particular book that has stayed with you?

Motto: My true nature is joy.

Quote: Turn as the earth and moon, circling what they love.—Rumi

Book: The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?

Happiness boosters: One of my dearest friends runs triathlons. She tells me the endorphins are like a bliss drug—and she proves that by being incredibly positive most of the time. I won’t be doing any triathlons soon, but I can personally attest, as can my athletic and yoga-practicing friends, that moving your body is the surest way to feel better.

Happiness detractors: My heart breaks for people who obsess about the past. Chronically replaying how you got wronged is putting a fat wedge between you and true fulfillment. Face forward.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy—if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?

During some excruciatingly difficult times in my life, it came down to this declaration / mantra: I will do whatever it takes to be happy. That resolve and devotion opened my life up so much wider. The expansion wasn’t entirely comfortable, of course. It meant I had to walk away from some things (brutal). It meant I had to find my edges, go to places I’d avoided, examine if my dreams were still the right size for my soul.

The learning brought me so much sweetness. I found new things—new theories, foods, cities, yoga poses, ideas, friends, new ways of seeing old friends, that brought me to new depths of happiness.

I made happiness the sacred priority. It worked.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?

Always, every day, constantly. (Except when I’m happy being miserable.) I try not to work on being happy, as much as I try listen for it. It’s usually there, chillin’ out in my psyche, waiting for me to stop and takes its cues.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t—or vice versa?

I can hardly believe it, but our new guinea pigs are joy-balls. I had a strict no-rodent policy, but my eight-year-old son ran an impressive birthday campaign (I promise I’ll love the guinea pigs forever and ever!) and we now have “Jack Black” and “Bruno Mars” in the house. They’re smart. And soft. (Two of my favorite qualities in people.) We adore them.

As for things that I think would bring me great happiness, but wind up being less than incredible…I consistently convince myself that a new pair of shoes will revolutionize my entire life. The high of high heels is fleeting—but I’m committed to keep trying. Like I said, I will do whatever it takes to be happy.

is it love?

More to love...this is a post from Danielle LaPorte.  Her link is below...

is it love if you’re all cranky when you give it?

I’ve been searching the archive of my emotions, looking for the root source of the notion that love is easy. Romantic comedies and new age bookstores. Glossy hopes, like my prom picture and all those journals I burned. Smiling martyrs and serene Saints.

Love. Just love. Love makes it easier. Just love and it’s easy. Easy. To Love. Love flows. Love graces. Love doesn’t grind. It doesn’t wince. It doesn’t lug. Love ain’t heavy. Love is light.

Right?

Somewhere in all this I got snagged and questioned my capacity to love. Thinking that if I was resentful, or felt burden, or a little on the crank whilst I was dishing out the love, then it wasn’t … love. It was faux love, pseudo Buddhist, fallen Catholic, contrived agape. Unlove. Not quite right.

Wrong.

It’s still love. Jagged, cranky, lip bitten, heavy sighing. On delivery, it becomes love.

It’s the intention that reaches.
The surmounting that teaches.
Good, hard, real love.

is it love if you’re all cranky when you give it?

eric bergeson

Love it.

thanks, Sam

My son emailed me a quote that he found...

Greatness is not found 

in possessions, power, 

position, or prestige. 

It is discovered in goodness, 

humility, service, & character. 

                                                                                  -W Ward 

love it.

danielle laporte

I've got Danielle LaPorte on my mind.  I blogged about one of her recent posts a week or so ago and have been thinking about her since.  I did a little more researching and reading and am wondering how I've missed her along the way!  Amazing.  Ben and I pre-ordered her book yesterday on Amazon ("The Fire Starter Sessions").  Wow!

Her bio found on her website goes like this...

A list of “Top 10 Blogs by Women That Might Change Your Life,” describes Danielle LaPorte like this:

“She’s confidently contrarian, feminine, decisive, and creative. She combines spirituality with sound business principles. She has an e-program, a line of chic, minimalist notecards, and gives coaching sessions at $1000 a pop. She’s been listed, ranked and quoted. At the core of her success is her ability to write. She writes beautifully, lustfully, and poignantly and is quite possibly the most talented and insightful writer publishing on the web. If you haven’t experienced www.daniellelaporte.com, you are missing the best of the web.”

and that is what struck me.  Her writing is so compelling.  I keep reading and reading and can't quite get enough.  

Another post from her blog was particularly consuming, the grand pep talk.  It's inspiring and definitely a reread.

I was copying a bunch of excerpts from the post and then decided to just paste the whole thing in my blog...

the grand pep talk: decide to rise (refer to this when in doubt, or sick & tired.)

I’m all for mental health days. And gentleness. And I think the world should take the month of December off. And for the love of God, a 4 day work week would revolutionize the collective human spirit and thusly, healthcare. But this pep talk isn’t about taking it easy, this is about another form of self care: doing whatever it takes.

Just got dumped? Lace up your runners and move your body.
Under the weather? Go in to work any way, wearing your favorite sweater.
Up to your earrings in deadlines? Go cheer on your friend. Show up at the bake sale. Call your mother.
Crying before show time? Put some tea bags on your eyes. Say a prayer. Enter stage left.
Push. Turn up the volume. Go hard. Go harder.
Re-prioritize your aches and pains.
Infuse your sensitivities with courage.
Tell fear to f@#$ right the f@#% off.
Devote to Done.

There are soul-justified reasons to cancel. There are times to just stop. This isn’t one of them. Keep going. Show up. Full on. Full tilt. Full out. Decide to be one of those people who pull it off.

Do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t let us down. 
Decide to rise.

Why decide to rise? Not for the reasons you might think. In fact, these are the reasons that will make you sick and tired:

Do not rise out of obligation. Do not rise because of feared consequences. Do not rise because you think being tough makes you smarter (it doesn’t.)

Decide to rise because you want to expand — your being, your life, your possibilities.

Decide to rise because super powers are meant to be activated and applied in everyday life.

Decide to rise to explore your place in the universe.

On the other side of deciding to rise is illumination, ecstasy, insight. And the angel of your strength is there waiting, smiling, applauding, with a goblet of endorphins for you. Drink up.

When you transcend circumstances you get special privileges. You get evidence that you are indeed amazing, and irrefutable proof that what your heart and mind choose is what matters. And you get the deep knowing that life wants you to win.

Decide to rise.

Lean in. Listen up. Closely.
It’s your soul speaking and she says, Get UP! I need you. I want you. I am you. Choose me.
Lean in. Listen up. Closely.

Decide to rise.


It speaks to my heart and my head at the same time.  I love it.